I just realized I barely have any loneliness. I have been with my better half for over two years now. With the occasional scuffles that we have I am never nor do I ever feel alone. This is a great feeling not the un-loneliness, but the feeling of being with someone that really cares and makes me feel like I am his better half. Due to this overwhelming feeling between both of us being each others lemon to the lime, guacamole or salsa to the chips, edamame to rock salt, we compliment each other. It seems like this will never end, we are both hoping it doesn't, and even knowing it won't.
This week though with all the hormones raging through my body I thought that he was being rather odd, so before acting out on my blah insecurities, I just cooled off until I was able to talk to him, it took about 3 days to really talk to him. The worst thing was that he actually called me, left me messages that he loved me and wanted to know what was going on, he still loved me through my little cynical lapse. That was the greatest reassurance for me that he is in it for the long run. I guess we both sort of knew that it was going to be for the long run when we started dating.
At first we pretended that this was it, though without any actual foundation we dabbled with planning our lives together for a really long time, we even talked about marriage. We had both been screwed with our previous attempts at love we wanted a plan before anything else. I think the planning and the acknowledgment that relationships take a lot of work helped as well. He convinced me that a wedding would be great, I had not wanted to nor did I ever wish to marry anyone. I was always anti-establishment, and with marriage being a huge one did not wish for it ever until he convinced me.
So for the past three years we have worked and worked and loved each other and respected each others likes and dislikes this has been the greatest highs and lows I've ever had. Without wanting to change any experience we have had not even the lows. Because of the lows we know what upsets the other person and work on not doing things in spite of the other person. Poking is so much fun at times, but never if it hurts your other half, because if it is your other half you are just hurting yourself.
I thank him and myself for realizing this.
